Nicky’s Blog

The Profession Retreat went very well.  It was an inspiring time for reflecting on life as a vowed Passionist and the contributions the Congregation will make to my life and the contributions I will be able to make to my community and the Congregation as a whole.

The week seems to be rushing by so fast that I feel like I will not be able to do all the things I need to do.  Of course this has to do with the extreme excitement I am experiencing.  I have been longing for so long for this day and to take public vows is an incredibly serious thing to me.

Please continue to pray with me and for me, and let us all also continue to pray for an increase of vocations to religious life.  It is a life I can not imagine being without and I am eager to share it with anyone who wants to share in our charism and who wants to be inspired by St Paul of the Cross to become a Passionist priest, brother or sister.

God bless

In keeping with Church Law, but more importantly, in keeping with Passionist tradition, a retreat is made  by every novice before taking their vows.  To this, I am no exception.  So, I started my retreat last night, Sunday 18th January 2009, and will make this retreat for a week.

I have found that hardly a day into the retreat I am having moving and deep spiritual experiences.  Fr Kevin Tui’Tu’u CP is directing my retreat.

The readings today have spoken to me and my heart, which is what the Passionist Charism is all about - a matter of the heart!  In meditating on and contemplating Christ, I have been touched by two quotes Fr Kevin has shared with me…..

“The darkness you are encountering is in itself a rich experience.  If it be that you want to meet Our Lord, then it is by moonlight that you must seek Him, under an olive tree.  You will find Him flat in the ground, and you will have to lie down on your face with Him if you are to catch His words”

(Newspaperman’s advice to a youth having faith problems)

What a beautiful message.  From this I learnt in our darkest times, most faithless times, Jesus is there and can be seen and found by that small dim light in our dark moments.  We find Him, “under the Olive tree” being the symbol of the Grace of God, not preaching from the rooftops, or screaming in the world, by softly and gently urging us on to persevere as He is with us.

A very similar way, St John of the Cross is quoted from “The Spiritual Canticle”

O soul, most beautiful among all creatures, you who so long to know the place where your Beloved is, so as to seek Him and become one with Him, now it has been stated:

You yourself are the home in which He dwells.

There is a reason to be happy; here is a cause for joy; the realisation that every blessing and all you hope for is so close to you as to be within you.

Be glad, find joy there, gathered together and present to Him who dwells within, since He is so close to you; desire Him there, adore Him there, and do not god off looking for Him elsewhere….

There is just one thing: even though He is within you, He is hidden!

I have a profound sense similar to the one our Founder, St Paul of the Cross had when he felt his calling, when he looked up and saw a small chapel on a high hill, secluded from the world.  He is reported having said “How my soul longs for that place”.  This is my heart’s desire today, to be alone with God.  To sense God in everything and to know God’s perfect and loving Will.  I want to be with the Lover of my soul!

Please continue to pray with me and for me on this retreat.

Fraternally

Nicky

It has been some time since my last entry, and for this I must apologise.  However, time for an update of what has been happening on my formation journey and my spiritual journey.

At the end of last year, 2008, I received notification from the Provincial and his council that I had been approved by the novitiate assessment board to take vows at my 1st profession as a Passionist.  This was definitely the most exciting moment of my life that extended to this very day - albeit, it does bring a number of other emotions and thoughts to mind.  I was recently talking to a friend about this and commented that this must be how a bridegroom feels before his wedding day.  Anxious to get it all happening the one day, nervous about it all the next.  But, all I can say that really has remained a constant is that this is what I want.  This is the way of life God has called me to.

Even thought every emotion is experienced and lived, there is a certain calmness and peace about it all.  This to me is the hand of God and the Grace of God which always is felt and seen when we are doing the Will of God.

Thank you for praying for me on my journey and I will ask that you continue to do so.  Continue to pray for vocations to religious life.  Thank you also all my friends and new-found family back home in New Zealand and South Africa.  It is great knowing that I am a Kiwi vocation and that God willing, I certainly wont be the last!

Fraternally,

Nicky